I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I haven’t written anything in a few weeks. In fact, I couldn’t write. The place my husband and I have been mentally and spiritually left us in such a desperate place. I could not afford any extra output, including writing, which is usually a joy to me.
I see my life as a constant flow—in and out—with different sources (one main Source) of input and output. When seasons or periods of time have me feeling dry, my output is usually pretty pitiful and quite emotional. When I share my writing, my goal is to be coming from a place of overflow or abundance. Writing is my offering to you, my readers. I never want to be at a place where I feel obligated to write when I don’t feel like I have it in me to do so.
That being said, I was able to write one small blurb in my journal a couple weeks ago. This is the only thing I was able to spit out during the last few weeks. Here goes:
A friend told me before we moved that faith is like swinging on a trapeze, letting go, and hoping you catch the next bar. It’s that mid-air part that’s scary. As my family and I left Anchorage, I felt God adding to that visual in my mind.
I saw myself letting go of that bar and reaching for the oncoming trapeze, but falling short. As I began falling, feeling my imminent demise, somebody—another “acrobat”—reached out and grabbed my arms. “Hmm…cool thought,” I told myself.
Now, as our lives here have been stretched beyond what we could imagine, I recall that picture. God continually reminds me of the visual He gave me months ago. I literally feel like I’m falling and falling. Our attempts at sustaining ourselves (catching the bar) and doing what we thought we were supposed to do have failed and we are spiraling into despair.
All I can say now is, “God, you have to catch us.”
I appreciate your feedback! Can you relate to this? Have you been to the point of desperation with God? Comment below!
Just a couple short days ago, my husband and I felt as though God reached down and caught us. At the moment we thought we were going to die, He rescued us. He is so faithful! God is doing so much in our lives right now, but I will wait to share in my later blogs!