Well, I have to be honest. I didn’t really feel like blogging this week and I definitely didn’t think I had anything worth sharing. It’s just been a tough week. In fact, I debated writing on something a little more removed from my situation. You know, something less personal and vulnerable like how to rid your travel trailer of ants using only safe, natural ingredients.

One of the reasons I began blogging in the first place, though, was to be open about my journey during the good times and the bad times. I don’t want to shy away from sharing during my difficult moments. At the very least, I hope some of you can relate to my struggles and find encouragement that you’re not alone.

Last week, we went through the highs of finding a home and putting in an offer and then the lows of hearing our offer wasn’t accepted and, therefore, we would remain living in our travel trailer for the unforeseeable future (Read When God Says “No”).

This week has been even more emotionally draining for me. I’m currently dealing with some kind of stomach bug that has caused extreme fatigue (no, I’m not pregnant). Before that, we discovered ants in the trailer, which were probably just trying to find a dry place to hang out after a couple weeks of rain. The lack of sun was definitely getting to us too.

After discovering the ants, I went into high alert as I pulled food and dishes out of every cupboard to find their trail. Everywhere I looked, I saw ants! After two straight days of waking up to “Mom! Dad! There’s so many ants!” and going into immediate destroy mode, my body started giving way to exhaustion. I don’t know if the stress caused my sickness or just made it worse, but either way, I feel like crap.

These circumstances, along with the emotional ups and downs of this season of our lives, caused me and Josh to fall into despair. We are totally depleted. And it’s not just the ants or losing the house or being sick. It’s the culmination of nine months of preparation for moving and then five months of walking out our faith and not seeing any results.

I was reminded of Psalm 126:5 that says, “Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy”. I feel as though Josh and I have been sowing and sowing and sowing for over a year without a whole lot of fruit. We gave up everything we knew, we grieved as the Lord guided us, and we ventured into unknown territory to where God was leading us. We’re ready for our “songs of joy”.

Needless to say, this season has been hard. My faith has never been tested to this point before. Every day I hear, “Are you going to give up yet?” But, just as the disciples asked Jesus, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life” (John 6:68), I, too, have nowhere else to turn. Only God is worth pursuing. If I never see the full reward in my lifetime, He alone is worth it.

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him” (Hebrews 11:6).

 

On my mind:

“Heroes” by Amanda Cook (check out CD here)

Let the heroes rest

Let the striving cease

I lay down my crown

Here at Your feet

 

I will trust here in the mystery

I will trust in You completely

 

Awake my soul to sing with Your breath in me

I will worship

You taught my feet to dance upon disappointment

And I, I will worship

 

Let the weary rise

Lift their eyes to see

Your love crushing every lie

Every doubt and fear

 

I will trust here in the mystery

I will trust in You completely

 

Awake my soul to sing with Your breath in me

I will worship

You taught my feet to dance upon disappointment

And I, I will worship

 

Hallelujah Hallelujah

You are making all things new

 

Awake my soul to sing with Your breath in me

I will worship

You taught my feet to dance upon disappointment

And I, I will worship

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